The Benefits of Clear Writing
Clear writing matters. Readers are busy people and want to find and understand relevant information quickly. They don’t want pages of jargon, legalese, or convoluted prose. They have a short attention span. So they value anyone who takes the trouble to write clearly.
A clear style saves time, reduces misunderstandings, improves sales, cuts administration costs, and motivates staff – the list of benefits is endless. The most important benefit is the money clear writing saves money.
Example: Veterans Affairs Letter – Saving $40,000 a year
Quoted in “Writing for Dollars, Writing to Please” by Joseph Kimble
Original Letter
Dear
Please furnish medical evidence in support of your pension claim. The best evidence to submit would be a report of a recent examination by your personal physician, or a report from a hospital or clinic that has treated you recently.
The report should include complete findings and diagnoses of the condition which renders you permanently and totally disabled. It is not necessary for you to receive an examination at this time. We only need a report from a doctor, hospital, or clinic that has treated you recently. This evidence should be submitted as soon as possible, preferably within 60 days. If we do not receive this information within 60 days from the date of this letter, your claim will be denied. Evidence must be received in the Department of Veterans Affairs within one year from the date of this letter; otherwise, benefits, if entitlement is established, may not be paid prior to the date of its receipt.
Privacy Act Information: The information requested by this letter is authorized by existing law (38 U.S.C. 210 (c)(1)) and is considered necessary and relevant to determine entitlement to maximum benefits applied for under the law. The information submitted may be disclosed outside the Department of Veterans Affairs only as permitted by law.
Measure |
Score |
Rating |
Target |
| Words | 209 | ||
| Average Sentence | 17.3 | Excellent | 11 to 18 |
| Passive Index | 67 | Bad | Up to 10 |
| Style Index | 124 | Dreadful | Up to 15 |
| Bog Index | 76 | Poor | Up to 15 |
| Reading Grade | 11.4 | Standard | Up to 10 |
| Jargon | 0.5% | Excellent | Up to 1% |
| Glue (Wordy) | 46% | Wordy | Up to 40% |
| Pep (interest and engagement) | 11 | Fair | Over 15 |
| Clarity Index | 8 | Bad | Over 80 |
Dear
We have your claim for a pension. Our laws require us to ask you for more information. The information you give us will help us decide whether we can pay you a pension.
What We Need
Send us a medical report from a doctor or clinic that you visited in the past six months. The report should show why you can’t work.
Please take this letter and the enclosed Guide to your doctor.
When We Need It
We need the doctor’s report by January 28. We’ll have to turn down your claim if we don’t get the report by that date.
Your Right to Privacy
The information you give us is private. We might have to give out this information in a few special cases. But we will not give it out to the general public without your permission. We’ve attached a form which explains your privacy rights.
If you have any questions about this letter, you may call us at 1-800-827-1000. The call is free.
Sincerely
Measure |
Score |
Rating |
Target |
| Words | 169 | ||
| Average Sentence | 11 | Too short? | 13 to 18 |
| Passive Index | 0 | Excellent | Up to 10 |
| Style Index | 17 | Good | Up to 15 |
| Bog Index | 0 | Excellent | Up to 15 |
| Reading Grade | 5 | Very Easy | Up to 10 |
| Jargon | 0% | Excellent | Up to 1% |
| Glue (Wordy) | 39% | Concise | Up to 40% |
| Pep (interest and engagement) | 30 | Excellent | Over 15 |
| Clarity Index | 95 | Excellent | Over 80 |
Although the letter is now clear, StyleWriter suggests the sentence length is too short. Knowing this we could easily make a couple of changes to have a less jerky style. We could merge two sentences in the first paragraph and delete the last sentence in the last paragraph. The StyleWriter software offers other editing advice. Following the program’s advice, this is the final letter.
Dear
We have your claim for a pension. However, we need more information to help us decide whether we can pay you a pension.
What We Need
Send us a medical report from a doctor or clinic that you visited in the past six months. The report should show why you can’t work.
Please take this letter and the enclosed Guide to your doctor.
When We Need It
We need the doctor’s report by January 28 or we’ll have to turn down your claim.
Your Right to Privacy
Although we might share your information with other agencies, we will keep it private.
If you have any questions about this letter, you may call us at 1-800-827-1000.
Sincerely
Enclosures: Doctor’s Guide, Your Privacy Rights
Measure |
Score |
Rating |
Target |
| Words | 123 | ||
| Average Sentence | 13 | Excellent | 13 to 18 |
| Passive Index | 0 | Excellent | Up to 10 |
| Style Index | 0 | Good | Up to 15 |
| Bog Index | 0 | Excellent | Up to 15 |
| Reading Grade | 5 | Very Easy | Up to 10 |
| Jargon | 0% | Excellent | Up to 1% |
| Glue (Wordy) | 37% | Concise | Up to 40% |
| Pep (interest and engagement) | 32 | Excellent | Over 15 |
| Clarity Index | 110 | Excellent | Over 80 |
Clear, concise and profitable writing
Using StyleWriter will not only help you and your organization improve your writing, but it will also help you to focus on what you are actually writing.
It will train you to reconsider the very reason for your writing and it’s purpose. Which will increase your own efficiencies.
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